I regret to inform you… your team stopped talking because you never stopped.

Leaders who answer their own questions train their teams to stay silent—learn how to create space for your best thinkers to speak up.

Recently, I had coffee with a friend I’ll call Jim.

Jim runs a successful business—the kind of leader people respect. He’s intentional, strategic, and brings his team together every single week for what he calls “collaborative planning sessions.”

I have been in Jim’s meetings. He calls the meeting to “get everyone’s input.” 

But, if you watch closely, he will ask, “What do you all think?” only to follow it up with, “Because I think…” before anyone can inhale. 

He has become the conversational equivalent of a tennis player who serves, runs to the other side of the net, and hits their own return. 

It’s impressive, but it’s not a game anyone else can play.

“Harry, I don’t understand it. I ask my team what they think, and they just stare at me. So I have to fill the silence.”

Here’s a great thought to ponder: How long do you wait before you answer your own questions? 

Jim? He waits about 3 or 4 seconds. 

In that slice of time—those 3 or 4 seconds—Jim becomes the loudest voice in his own meeting. 

And he’s been doing it every week for years.

Here’s what I’ve observed in countless leadership teams: There’s a scale of insight and wisdom in every room. 

The “tens”—your sharpest thinkers, your most experienced voices—they process before they speak. 

They’re thoughtful. 

They’re careful. 

They wait for the right moment.

But the “fours and fives”? They fill every silence. They speak first, speak longest, and dominate the conversation.

For your best people, you need to be a man of understanding.

Counsel in the heart of man is like deep water; but a man of understanding will draw it out.

Proverbs 20:5 KJV

You need to WAIT. 

Sometimes the silence is awkward.

Endure it. 

After waiting, ask one of your ten’s to speak.

But, sometimes there’s a surprising part that blows me away: Often, the loud-mouth five is the CEO.

These aren’t bad leaders. 

They’re passionate. 

They care deeply. 

They genuinely want input.

But, like Jim, they’ve trained their teams—week after week, meeting after meeting that their answers will fill the silence. 

So the team members have learned to nod along, to wait for their anxious leaders to tell them what they’ve already decided.

The “tens” in Jim’s organization stay quiet because:

• They know three seconds isn’t enough time to formulate a thoughtful response

• They’ve learned that speaking up doesn’t change the outcome

• They’re respectful—they won’t interrupt the boss

• They’re waiting for an invitation that never really comes

The hard truth I regret to inform you about: Your succession planning, your strategy, your future—it’s all being shaped by the loudest voice in the room. 

And if you’re the one asking questions just to answer them yourself, you might be silencing the very wisdom you need most.

What can you do?

If you’re ready to break this cycle and actually hear the “tens” in your organization:

• Get in a Succession Planning breakthrough group where you practice waiting, listening, and learning from leaders who’ve overcome this pattern

• Read our Succession Planning for Impact book to understand how to create space for voices other than your own

• Work through the “7 Pitfalls” workbook to identify where you might be the five silencing the tens

• Sign up for our private email list for ongoing insights on leading through listening

Remember the old wisdom: The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second-best time is today.

Don’t let the loudest voice—even if it’s yours—drown out the wisdom that could transform your succession planning and help you finish well.

Let’s finish well—together.